My mother-in-law insists on us taking her on lavish vacations and it’s getting in the way of our financial plans

In-law issues can be a challenge, especially when money is involved. Unfortunately, one Reddit poster is currently experiencing this first-hand. The original poster (OP) is coping with some pretty big problems with her mother-in-law and, sadly, those issues are affecting her financial goals and her marriage. 

The OP’s mother-in-law will soon be turning 70 and she’s single with just one child — the OP’s husband. For this milestone birthday, the mother-in-law wants to take a family trip down the Mekong. The OP and her husband would both be expected to join on this river cruise as well as to pay for it. This means taking between one and two weeks of vacation time, flying more than 15 hours, and spending upwards of $12,000 between flights and cruise reservations for everyone. 

The Redditor is mad that her mother-in-law is expecting them to pay for this and take time off, especially as doing this could set them back from their financial goal of buying a house. Unfortunately, the OP is also fighting with her husband because she wants him to put his foot down and say no but he feels like he has no choice both because his mom doesn’t have other family and because of cultural issues. 

So, the big question is, what should the OP do about this difficult situation?

How to handle a mother-in-law with unreasonable demands

It’s not entirely unreasonable for a mother to want to spend birthdays with her son, but that’s not what’s happening here. The OP said she offered to plan a party with the mom’s friends stateside or to go on a less expensive trip. However, all of these options were rejected. 

Now, if the OP’s husband wanted to go on the cruise and the couple could afford it without compromising on their goals, that would be OK too. But that’s also not the case. The husband is frustrated but can’t say no, and the couple may be delayed in their goal of buying a home because of the unnecessary $12,000 spending.

Given these facts, it seems clear there’s a problem that must be addressed– and sooner rather than later. The mother-in-law is going to keep up this behavior and continue making unreasonable demands as long as she gets her way each time, and the couple’s marriage is only going to suffer more and more over time as resentments build up because of the impact this behavior has on the couple’s time and money.

Ultimately, the OP’s husband is going to have to be the one who steps up to stop this because it is his mother. While that may be difficult to do, the consequences of not doing it are likely going to be worse. It’s up to the OP what ultimatums she wants to make, but ultimately she’s likely to continue to experience a lot of stress and unhappiness if she doesn’t tell her husband he must stop his mom before things get worse.  

Don’t let family issues derail your marriage

Couples should try to deal with problems like this head-on as soon as possible in the relationship because otherwise, things can get to a point where it’s too difficult to resolve the conflict in a way that protects the marriage.

The OP and her husband should agree on a set budget for spending on his mom and set some other boundaries regarding time spent together. The husband should communicate those firmly to his mother and not back down. A financial advisor, and perhaps a marriage counselor, could help the couple to do that. While his mother may be upset, it’s critical that the couple presents a united front and doesn’t let her continue to make unreasonable demands on them. 

If the OP’s husband can’t or won’t do this, the OP is going to have to decide if she wants to continue down this path for life — and sooner, rather than later, before she buys a house with this man and their lives become even more intertwined.

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