‘Love Hurts’ Review: Ke Huy Quan Deserves More Than This Harmless, Generic Action Rom-Com

It’s not often Hollywood releases a classic romance in time for Valentine’s Day. This isn’t one of those moments — sorry, “Love Hurts,” I didn’t mean to get your hopes up — but it’s interesting to note how rarely the classic love stories actually get released in time for the busiest date night of the year. Imagine if most of the great Christmas movies premiered in April, and in December all we had was disposable pap like “Red One” and “Christmas With the Kranks.”

Of late, some of that pabulum has come in the form of films like “Argylle” and “Shotgun Wedding,” which combine the romantic-comedy and action genres in a desperate attempt to become a couple’s last-minute compromise. One of you wants to see a romance, one of you wants to see an action movie — let’s watch superficial people superficially flirt with each other while generically killing generic bad guys. That way, everyone’s equally disappointed.

“Love Hurts” is better than the other recent Valentine’s Day mash-ups, but it runs into many of the same problems. Oscar winner Ke Huy Quan (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”) stars as Marvin, a mild-mannered real estate agent who really cares about his clients and wants them to find the perfect home. He’s single, but maybe there’s hope for love in his future, since he just got a Valentine’s Day card from a secret admirer.

Anyway, Marvin steps into his office and gets stabbed through the hand. Romance! Fortunately, Marvin used to be a kick-ass assassin before he went legit, so he ass-kicks an assassin’s ass and goes on the run, ass-kicking other assassins along the way. Marvin’s brother and former boss Knuckles (Daniel Wu, “Into the Badlands”) is furious because Marvin bungled his last hit before retirement, an accused embezzler named Rose (Oscar winner Ariana DeBose). Now she’s back in town and threatening his modest criminal empire. Also Marvin was in love with her.

Now Marvin has to fight a laundry list of larger-than-life goons, like a misunderstood poet called The Raven (Mustafa Shakir, “Cowboy Bebop”) and the wacky comic relief duo of Otis and King (André Eriksen and Marshawn “Beastmode” Lynch). He also needs to track down Rose, who wants to drag him back into the fray because she doesn’t believe his “good guy” transformation.

Every once in a while Marvin’s voiceover or a festive office party reminds us that yes, technically, this is a Valentine’s Day movie. But aside from having romantic elements — and, let’s be fair, most movies do anyway — “Love Hurts” doesn’t say much about the holiday. The story could have taken place during any festive occasion, or none at all. The most that would probably change is the theme of Ke Huy Quan’s cute novelty sweater.

“Love Hurts” isn’t much of a romance or romantic comedy. Its love stories are largely off-camera, referenced in dialogue or delayed by many, many fight scenes. None of them are convincing. It’s a shame because Quan is a natural romantic lead, sincere and disarming, capable of true vulnerability and inspiring strength. If nothing else, first-time director and frequent fight coordinator Jonathan Eusebio has given the actor a fine showcase, confirming that yes, he really is a big deal, and yes, Hollywood should put him in even better movies.

So “Love Hurts” underwhelms as a romance. As an action movie it actually kicks butt. Eusebio knows how to film his fight choreography, never making it look like they had to edit around underwhelming physical performances. “Love Hurts” doesn’t self-consciously dazzle with giant set pieces or ridiculously long one-take action sequences. It just takes smart advantage of what’s available, filming fights from inside kitchen appliances while they’re being used as weapons, or incorporating a giant knife and fork because why not? Who doesn’t want to see Marshawn Lynch fight an Oscar winner using a human-sized eating utensil?

That’s not to say “Love Hurts” is a spectacular action thrill ride. The hackneyed and elaborate “affable hitman” plot makes even the coolest confrontations feel unimportant and disposable. And budget/cleverness aside, the film’s climax never feels like a satisfying escalation. Not that “Love Hurts” needed to conclude with a fight to the death on top of a national monument, but after nearly 90 minutes of fight scenes with multiple guys — oh yeah, “Love Hurts” is really short by the way — the movie ends with another fight scene with multiple guys. It’s a perfectly decent fight scene with multiple guys, but it doesn’t make you leave the theater buzzing with excitement.

“Love Hurts” is just a cheerful movie. Well, for the most part. One character has a weirdly violent and depressing death, but that gets brushed off quickly. Other than that this isn’t not so much a feature film as it is a backdrop. You can’t take it seriously enough to get invested, and if you try, you’ll be disappointed. But if this is just one bullet point in your Valentine’s Day to-do list, an excuse to hold hands or neck in a darkened theater, or maybe as a litmus test for your date’s artistic tastes, it’s a harmless, mostly generic action rom-com. That isn’t a very ambitious thing to be, but hey, it’s Valentine’s Day. With Hollywood, we have to take what we can get.

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