I’m rich, and worry that giving more to one child when we die will damage sibling bonds – am I overreacting?

A Reddit user has come into some money and is trying to decide how to distribute it among his three kids as an inheritance.

The poster thinks the fair approach is to divide the money three ways, with each kid getting an equal share.  The amount of money is enough to make a “meaningful difference,” in each child’s life even if divided evenly. However, his wife believes that the couple should take the individual circumstances of each child into account when deciding how to distribute the funds.

So, who is correct in this situation? Would an unequal distribution of wealth damage sibling bonds as the OP fears, or should the couple follow his wife’s plan and divide up the funds based on each child’s circumstances?

Deciding how to divide up an inheritance can be a hard choice — but the circumstances matter

The Reddit poster did not share in this situation about why his wife wants to give a different amount of money to each child, and that ultimately is going to be the key factor in determining what type of asset distribution makes sense.

For example, if one child is disabled and will need lifelong care, then it is a no-brainer that more money should be provided to that child in need. Otherwise, it would be bad for everyone, including for the surviving siblings who could find themselves bearing the financial burden of their disabled sibling if the parents didn’t properly provide for them. 

On the other hand, if two of the kids have been responsible and made wise money choices while the other failed to launch and is in financial trouble because of it, then giving more money to the kid who didn’t make the right financial moves would be a huge mistake. Sure, he might need the money more, but it’s because of his own choices and the kids who sacrificed to do things correctly should not be penalized with a smaller inheritance because of it. 

The couple will need to carefully discuss the reasoning behind the decision of how much to give each kid and make an informed choice about what actually makes sense based on this conversation. In general, though, unless there is a pressing financial need through no fault of one of the children, then an equal distribution most likely is the best way to avoid breeding resentment amongst the siblings when the parents pass on. 

A financial advisor can help with inheritance issues

These parents are far from the only ones who are struggling with the question of how best to handle an inheritance. Deciding what amounts to leave your kids, as well as to other heirs such as charities you care about, can be a really complicated decision. 

In many cases, your best bet is to work with a financial advisor who can help guide you in these choices. Your advisor can help you to clearly define your goals for your legacy and can work with you to put the right plans in place, using the very best estate planning tools, so you can take control over what happens to your hard-earned money and property after you’ve passed. 

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