I’m a small business owner and my mom is guilting me for not funding her life – should I feel guilty?

What obligations do you have to provide for your family members financially when you are doing well and they are struggling? This is a question that a recent caller to the Dave Ramsey Show is dealing with. The caller explained that he is a small business owner who is making around $25,000 a month. He has made wise financial decisions, but his family members have not.

Both his mother and his brother ask him for money for things, especially in emergencies, and his mother is currently trying to get him to help her fund a move. He was calling to get Ramsey’s advice about how to respond and Ramsey provided a clear answer that can help him decide what to do moving forward.

Is it a good idea to give money to struggling family members?

The Ramsey caller explained that when he was younger, he did give his mother money, including putting her in a house, which she “literally” burned to the ground. While he said that she is in a better place now with her addictions, he is still not comfortable financing her lifestyle. He has not given her money since 2015, although he has given his brother small sums over the years. However, his mother is now having a fit because she wants to move back to live near him and he won’t pay for it.

Ramsey said very clearly that the caller is making the right move, despite the fact that his decisions are upsetting his mother. Ramsey stated “You are not under a moral obligation to give anyone money except your own spouse and children who are minors who live in your home. You’re supposed to take care of them. Your brother and your mother, you are not under a moral obligation just because they have the same blood that you have.”

Ramsey also went on to say that it doesn’t matter if your other family members are upset, if they throw a fit, or if you are in a position to afford to give. Giving people money when they are not responsible with spending just enables them, and Ramsey said that is like the equivalent of giving a drunk a drink. The drunk may be mad if you don’t buy them their alcohol, but that does not mean that you did the wrong thing by saying no. 

When should you give money to someone?

Ramsey also said that while there is no moral obligation to provide for anyone except your spouse and kids, you can decide to be generous if you want to.  However, he also explained that this generosity makes sense only in limited situations. 

“There’s only one circumstance that you want to be generous and that is where you’re helping someone move through their life and get traction,” he said. “It’s not assisting them in continuing their stupidity.” He said, for example, that if the caller did want to fund his mom’s move, buy her groceries, or do anything else, it would make sense to do that only as a one-time thing to help her advance her life forward and get into a more stable place.

Since that does not seem to be the case with this caller, the only logical thing to do is to say no. He can point his mother to resources like government programs that help the elderly, but he should not provide her with his own hard-earned funds. 

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