Does fully funding your child’s college education make them entitled?

When I was applying to college, the process was kind of depressing because I knew my parents didn’t have much money to contribute. So as a result, I knew my choices would be limited.

I also recognized that I’d be looking at student loans no matter what college I chose. And I frankly hated the idea of having to borrow money at such a young age.

Because of this experience, one of the things I pledged to do for my kids was pay for their college. To be clear, this doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be able to write tuition checks for $90,000 a year.

But I’ve set a savings goal of being able to fund a state school education for each of them. And I’ve made sacrifices to filter money into accounts that are earmarked for my kids’ studies.

I don’t necessarily think I’m “spoiling” my kids by paying for their college within reason. But this Reddit poster is concerned that funding their kids’ education might make them feel entitled.

I think it’s perfectly fine to pay for your children’s college if you can afford to. But I also think it’s smart to set proper expectations.

It’s a matter of ground rules

Because paying for my kids’ education is important to me, I’ve made saving for it a priority. But I definitely don’t want to raise spoiled kids. So while I’m hoping to be able to cover the cost of tuition and room and board, if my children want spending money for entertainment and things like that, I intend to tell them that they’re going to have to earn it.

It’s one thing for me to write a check each semester to cover classes and fees. But if my kids want to attend concerts with their friends or take a trip over spring break, that’s going to have to come from a job they hold down.

Also, while I hope to be in a position to cover in-state tuition for my kids, if they choose expensive private schools, they might end up needing loans. The same applies if they opt to attend graduate school.

That’s not something I’m going to let myself feel guilty about. I figure if I present them with the option to graduate state school debt-free, I’ve done my job. And if their college costs come in lower than expected and there’s money left over for grad school, they can of course use it.

I also refuse to pay for college if my kids decide they’re going to blow off their studies and not take them seriously. So if I see that my kids are bringing home Cs, I might pull the plug on tuition until they’re ready to buckle down.

You may want to take a similar approach with your children. If you can swing the cost of college and you’re able to make it so they don’t need loans, that’s a really awesome thing. But that doesn’t mean they should take advantage of your generosity.

Put your own needs first

I want to be very clear that while paying for my kids’ college is a big financial priority of mine, so is saving for retirement. And I refuse to put college ahead of retirement.

The way I see it, my kids, if needed, can take out student loans. But you can’t just borrow your way through retirement to pay for your regular expenses — or at least you really shouldn’t.

If you’re gearing up to pay for your kids’ education, make certain you’re not doing so at the expense of your IRA or 401(k). It’s okay to put your own needs first in this regard.

I’d also suggest sitting down with a qualified financial advisor if you’re not sure what college costs you can afford, or if you’re not sure how much money to allocate to your kids’ college funds versus your own retirement savings. An advisor can help you strike a balance so you’re working toward both goals without compromising one or the other.

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