My boyfriend has issues with hygiene
So I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, and he is wonderful. I have no issues regarding the love/intimacy we have for each other. He is my best friend and we spend every day together. When I first met him after a while of talking I came over to his old apartment, as soon as I walked in there it was like pigs lived there (he had roommates at the time). I ignored it assuming it’s just a bunch of lazy adults. My boyfriend's room was also a mess though - he literally had piles of clothes everywhere. I ignored it, not thinking of it as much. The next year he asked me to move in. I was young, so I took the risk and moved in with him and his roommates at the time. When I moved in with them they rented a different apartment so everything was new and clean, but after a few days they managed to already start a mess. I was so confused. Well, I cleaned and even cooked for them. I was mostly cooking for my boyfriend but I obviously would offer food for the others. I thought things were okay, but after a few months of only I doing the cleaning, I realized “these jerks are just taking advantage of me”. I never even got a thank you except from my boyfriend. But he never spoke his mind or defended me, so after a year of stress, I left and moved out by myself. I’ve been happier since then. I continued my relationship and forgave him. After a while he moved to another place and he lives on his own now. I was very happy for him. I kept the kitchen clean for him because I would cook in it. My bf lives 30-40 minutes away and I’ll drive every day to his place and cook for him and have the front of the house clean. Next thing you know, his room is a mess compared to the front area, clothes everywhere. He was taking like 2 weeks to wash his clothes and I could tell he was repeating jeans and they just stunk. I didn’t want him sitting next to me - I would have to hold my breath, he would go 2 days without brushing his teeth. He has a job as a land surveyor so he’s always outside going through trenches, mud etc., and he would come home put on his pajamas and not shower! He stunk and he would try to hold me or kiss me and I just couldn’t. I’m a very clean and meticulous person, I brush my teeth 3x a day, I shower at least 2-3 times a day because I work out, so I was disgusted and very very sad because no one wants to push away their significant other just because they stink! It’s sad so I was crying daily just wondering what I could do? Because I told him I spoke to him about how bad hygiene is a very big issues for me because I’ve never had to deal with someone like that. And it just makes me so sad how someone could not love themselves enough or want to woo their partner by taking care of themselves. I feel like it’s our duties as humans and as a partner to excite and want attention from our significant others.. my mother thinks I need to end my relationship that I am “no one's mother” to raise a man. She has a point. But my bf isn’t a bad guy - he isn’t mean to me, like I said, he is my best friend we spend every day together, and I just can’t believe hygiene is leaving me to a breaking point with him, because I’ve been dealing with this for 2 years. I’ve spoken to him about my issues and he apologized and said he will try, so he know he is dirty! All I could do was walk away and it’s been only a day since I last spoke to him. How can I communicate to him how important this is to me? I love him, I truly do, but hygiene is super important to me. I grew up with a father and a brother that are well kept and always smell like cologne. I’ve helped my bf and bought him a whole set for men’s shower, I buy him detergent boosters, I clean the front of the house so he can smell and see the peace that it brings and he enjoys it but his room and himself are not well kept.
So I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, and he is wonderful. I have no issues regarding the love/intimacy we have for each other. He is my best friend and we spend every day together. When I first met him after a while of talking I came over to his old apartment, as soon as I walked in there it was like pigs lived there (he had roommates at the time). I ignored it assuming it’s just a bunch of lazy adults. My boyfriend's room was also a mess though - he literally had piles of clothes everywhere. I ignored it, not thinking of it as much.
The next year he asked me to move in. I was young, so I took the risk and moved in with him and his roommates at the time. When I moved in with them they rented a different apartment so everything was new and clean, but after a few days they managed to already start a mess. I was so confused. Well, I cleaned and even cooked for them. I was mostly cooking for my boyfriend but I obviously would offer food for the others.
I thought things were okay, but after a few months of only I doing the cleaning, I realized “these jerks are just taking advantage of me”. I never even got a thank you except from my boyfriend. But he never spoke his mind or defended me, so after a year of stress, I left and moved out by myself. I’ve been happier since then. I continued my relationship and forgave him.
After a while he moved to another place and he lives on his own now. I was very happy for him. I kept the kitchen clean for him because I would cook in it. My bf lives 30-40 minutes away and I’ll drive every day to his place and cook for him and have the front of the house clean.
Next thing you know, his room is a mess compared to the front area, clothes everywhere. He was taking like 2 weeks to wash his clothes and I could tell he was repeating jeans and they just stunk. I didn’t want him sitting next to me - I would have to hold my breath, he would go 2 days without brushing his teeth. He has a job as a land surveyor so he’s always outside going through trenches, mud etc., and he would come home put on his pajamas and not shower! He stunk and he would try to hold me or kiss me and I just couldn’t. I’m a very clean and meticulous person, I brush my teeth 3x a day, I shower at least 2-3 times a day because I work out, so I was disgusted and very very sad because no one wants to push away their significant other just because they stink!
It’s sad so I was crying daily just wondering what I could do? Because I told him I spoke to him about how bad hygiene is a very big issues for me because I’ve never had to deal with someone like that. And it just makes me so sad how someone could not love themselves enough or want to woo their partner by taking care of themselves. I feel like it’s our duties as humans and as a partner to excite and want attention from our significant others.. my mother thinks I need to end my relationship that I am “no one's mother” to raise a man. She has a point. But my bf isn’t a bad guy - he isn’t mean to me, like I said, he is my best friend we spend every day together, and I just can’t believe hygiene is leaving me to a breaking point with him, because I’ve been dealing with this for 2 years.
I’ve spoken to him about my issues and he apologized and said he will try, so he know he is dirty! All I could do was walk away and it’s been only a day since I last spoke to him. How can I communicate to him how important this is to me?
I love him, I truly do, but hygiene is super important to me. I grew up with a father and a brother that are well kept and always smell like cologne. I’ve helped my bf and bought him a whole set for men’s shower, I buy him detergent boosters, I clean the front of the house so he can smell and see the peace that it brings and he enjoys it but his room and himself are not well kept.