Holiday slasher Heart Eyes is as slick and disposable as a store-bought card

There isn’t a single rough surface in Heart Eyes. Even the titular serial killer’s dirty, sweaty mask has been aged to a lovely patina—Ooh, is that cowhide?—and outfitted with a set of nifty neon heart-shaped night-vision goggles straight out of a Purge movie. The settings are artificial, the cinematography is glossy, and the characters talk in witty, joke-a-minute dialogue that successfully deflects any attempts at deeper engagement. 

This is intentional, to be fair, a reflection of the characters’ self-admitted emotional unavailability. But even when its characters do get earnest, Heart Eyes has its tongue so far in its cheek that these moments of vulnerability are also viewed from an ironic distance. Instead of feeling for these characters, we’re waiting for the bloody punchline—which will come, and will be funny in a deliciously morbid kind of way. There’s nothing to hold on to, and certainly nothing to be afraid of. 

Fear is beside the point for a certain breed of postmodern slasher film, of which Heart Eyes is a perfect example. Scream is the granddaddy of them all, of course, and the influence of both the original and the revived 2020s sequel series is evident here. Co-writers Christopher Landon (Happy Death Day 2U, Freaky) and Michael Kennedy (It’s A Wonderful Knife) have both carved out their places in this particular sub-subgenre, as has director Josh Ruben (Scare Me, Werewolves Within). The difference is that Scream is both snarky and scary. Somewhere along the way, that second part got lost. 

That’s not to say that Heart Eyes is lacking in slasher action: The brutality, creativity, and frequency of murders is on the level of a late Friday The 13th entry. (All that’s missing is a sleeping bag.) The sound effects are especially well done, emphasizing the cold sharpness of the killer’s blade and the solid impact of his supernaturally powerful punch. The practical gore looks expensive, objects d’art created by skilled craftspeople that are made to be appreciated as such. The camera lingers proudly on a handful of centerpiece effects shots, the most impressive of which cheekily calls back to the bloody origins of St. Valentine himself. 

The winks and nods come fast and furious as well. (Pun intended, given that Jordana Brewster’s character is named Detective Shaw—yes, like Hobbs & Shaw.) It’s based around a holiday—another callback, this one to the slasher boom of the early ‘80s—and has a scene that takes place at a drive-in. (Ditto.) The titles of multiple ‘90s and ‘00s rom-coms are woven into the dialogue like a game of movie Mad Libs. The ironic needledrops begin during the opening title cards and continue through the end credits. Devon Sawa is there! He was in Final Destination!

Heart Eyes is really only vulnerable when it turns towards the audience to make sure that we’ve caught all of these references, inviting us into an inner circle that reassures both filmmaker and viewer that they get it. They have seen all those other movies, and have surpassed them in terms of sophistication. There’s nothing wrong with in-jokes, or dialogue between creator and audience; indeed, both reflect the spirit of community that makes horror a thriving subculture as well as a film genre. But where does it stop being an homage, and start becoming a bingo card?

The rom-com parts of Heart Eyes play a similar game, mimicking the setups and the lip-gloss-and-donut-skin sheen of contemporary romance novels and TV movies. The dynamic between flailing advertising executive Ally (Olivia Holt) and chiseled PR consultant Jay (Mason Gooding) starts off as an enemies-to-lovers coworker arc, and their later encounters with Heart Eyes are based on a fake relationship leading to a case of mistaken identity. All are classic tropes, and the filmmakers presume that the viewer has a working knowledge of both the romance and horror genres.

This is refreshing, as it reflects a shift towards more queer and/or feminine perspectives in horror. (Landon and Kennedy are both forces in this area.) The film is set in “Seattle,” depicted here as an aspirational fantasyland of Aperol spritzes, cashmere sweaters, and upscale dining. There’s an honest-to-goodness shopping montage, in which Ally and her fast-talking work bestie played by Gigi Zumbado “fuck up” a credit card before a work dinner with Jay that just so happens to be on Valentine’s Day, in the city where a Valentine’s Day-themed murderer is on the loose. You can see where the confusion comes in.

The plot blends the romance and the horror nicely, feeding an amusingly sick and sometimes bawdy sense of humor. Bickering about who left who behind to die ignites a spark between our leads, and Brewster’s horny single homicide detective flirts with a suspect across the interrogation table. But the thing that really ties the film’s disparate elements together is their shared sense of heightened unreality, which brings us back to the slipperiness that makes Heart Eyes so evasive. 

There are some very good jokes in this movie, as both visual gags and dialogue. The slasher-movie kills are accomplished professionally, with a muscular sense of movement and a creativity of carnage. It’s fun, it’s escapist, and it leaves behind an artificial aftertaste like one of those powdery candy hearts you buy at the drugstore. It’s all there, and it all slips between your fingers before the end-credits stinger. It’s enough to make you long for the good old days of depraved lust-murderers killing coeds in dumber, dirtier slasher movies. At least a bad smell hangs around for a while.

Director: Josh Ruben

Writer: Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon, Michael Kennedy

Starring: Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado, Michaela Watkins, Devon Sawa, Jordana Brewster

Release Date: February 7, 2025