‘Amityville Backpack’ Is an Unwatchable Killer Backpack Movie [The Amityville IP]

Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”

The second to last Amityville film released in 2024 was Amityville Backpack, an extremely low budget effort written, edited, and directed by Evan Jacobs. The film is exactly what you’d expect from the title (or the ~57^th entry in a long-running franchise): it’s about a murderous, sentinel backpack that hails from Amityville.

The film follows lowly office worker Luther Boots (Mike Hartsfield), a perennially late and often forgettable man who doesn’t have a lot going on in life. He has a cat named Poopsie, a single bed in a dilapidated apartment and not much else.

His unreliability frequently lands him in hot water with his irate boss Mr. Bags (Roy Englebrecht, performing at 11). Meanwhile, Luther’s crush, Delilah Fontaine (Lindy Hartsfield)…tolerates him, letting him ramble on the phone, but she also doesn’t hesitate to bail on their date later on.

Annnnd that’s the film! Basically everyone who comes across the backpack admires it, tries it on, and then the damned thing drills into their backs, causing them to a) explode, b) disappear for the rest of the film, or c) wind up as a collection of dismembered plastic body parts.

The backpack’s powers are nebulous, inconsistent, and illogical, which wouldn’t be a problem if the film were sillier or more fun. Alas it has too many strikes working against it.

Much like the last entry in this editorial series, Amityville Backpack has little to offer aside from its high concept. The acting is subpar, the narrative is non-existent, and it has terrible editing. Yes, folks, welcome back to the world of scenes that play out for ~2-5 minutes at a time in what is clearly a desperate effort to pad the runtime to feature length!

The bag itself, created by Marcus Kohn, is the best part of the film. Modelled to resemble the exterior of the infamous house with flaps that evoke the cat eye windows, the backpack occasionally demonstrates a plucky personality. One day while Luther is being yelled at at work, the backpack makes its way down to the pool to lounge in an inflatable, pop a beer, and eat take-out. The fact that a very visible string can be seen attached to the backpack’s handle in order to move it is the icing on top.

The problem is that this personality and these shoestring indie elements are too brief and infrequent. Anything involving the bag is great; anything revolving around a human being, on the other hand, is insufferable and drawn out. Even with the same five minutes of credits at the beginning and the end – effectively dropping the film’s runtime down to 73 minutes – the movie’s lack of editing makes it feel endless.

The result means watching Luther whine for a full minute straight when Delilah cancels their date. He searches for his missing cat for two. Even death sequences, like when the Maintenance Man (Chris Lohman) struggles with the backpack, goes on for too long (five minutes !!!) In these moments, Amityville Backpack feels more like cinematic torture than entertainment.

Like all good cursed object movies, Luther eventually realizes that the backpack is doing more harm than good and tries (unsuccessfully) to throw out the homicidal bag. And that’s what should be done with Amityville Backpack: chuck it in the dumpster and hope it explodes.

The Amityville IP Awards go to…

• Bad Editing: It can’t be stressed how badly the editing affects the film. There are several elements that *could* have made the film a slight, but silly entry in the “franchise,” but Jacobs’ refusal to trim the fat from virtually every scene renders Amityville Backpack unwatchable. Even if this was done to ensure a feature runtime, the result is a film that feels interminable.
• Best Sequence: After two consecutive murders in his office, Luther begins to work remotely from home and invites a friend to visit him. Carl is attacked when Luther leaves the room, but survives long enough to make it to his car where the backpack is lying in wait…balancing a shotgun! The image of a sentient backpack somehow blowing a man away with a gun is *delightful* and it’s easily the most absurd, fun moment of the film.
• 2 Actors on Camera? Never! Yes, the film is tiny and yes, it only includes a handful of actors, but it is truly perplexing that no two actors share a scene together until after the hour mark! All of the previous scenes features actors by themselves, even in scenes when Luther and Mr. Bags at the office. It’s not until Carl visits Luther at home that two people appear onscreen at the same time, which is baffling.
• Kill Cam: Credit to Jacobs for including shots of the fiery interior of the backpack, as well as close up of its rotating drill. The weapon doesn’t actually make any sense given what we see of the victims’ remains, but…it’s sort of a neat visual.
• Plastic Parts: The film has enough of a sense of humor that its use of plastic body parts (feet, hands, and even a brain) feels very cheeky. These visuals suggest that Jacobs knows what kind of film he’s making, but the film would have benefitted greatly from more of this kind of silliness.
• Hammy Bag: Case in point: the way the backpack moves is utterly ridiculous. Be it via string or on a skateboard, the bag has a surprisingly decent screen personality. Another moment that kind of works is the aftermath of Delilah’s murder when the bag dances across the couch like its on stage. This is accompanied by audience applause and then red curtains close the scene with a theatrical flourish. Why? Who knows (or cares)?! Again, more moments like this!
• Cameo: The Amityville “series” infamously loves to employ YouTubers and vloggers in cameos and Backpack is no different. Here, however, it’s a familiar welcome face: Peter Sommers (John R. Walker) who has repeatedly shown up over the years as this particular character! Credits include: Amityville in the Hood, Amityville Hex, Amityville Clownhouse, Amityville Playhouse and The Amityville Exorcist, which I didn’t even know existed (FYI: it apparently isn’t available, despite being made in 2022).
• Dead Child: The film starts so well when a child puts on the backpack and randomly explodes. I thought we were in for such a fun time! <sobs>
• Are We Done Yet? Each time we approach the finish line, I discover a new Amityville title. It turns out that Jacobs released another film in the “franchise” last year called (wait for it) Amityville AI. It doesn’t appear to be available (yet?) so…get excited.

Next time: the final Amityville film of 2024 may hold some promise because it cost more than a few hundred dollars. Let’s hope for the best, shall we, as The Amityville IP tackles last October’s Amityville: Where the Echo Lives.

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